Friday, January 28, 2011

Requim for the Lenovo

Oh, Lenovo, Oh, Lenovo!

You brought me woe, Lenovooooooooo!

We had such hope, we had such smiles, we had such great intent,
But soon it was apparent on destruction you were bent.

My husband tried, he thought you'd work, but then his heart did crack,
Vista on your system drove him straight to the arms of a Mac.

You started out with Vista, but with it made him cringe.
We changed you to Windows 7, even then you came unhinged.

Your hard drive only lasted a couple years, or three.
Much too short a lifespan for a fancy thing like thee.

You took my lovely files, you clutched them to your breast, 
and smugly you shut down. Your betrayal will be addressed.

You took your life, you took your life, and then you took my data.
I had some hope but it was crushed and now I'm even sadda.

Lenovo it will cost me, oh it will cost me dear
but your actions will be punished, lend a plastic ear:

I've planned for you a future will involves dismemberment,
A special hell for traitors like you, to which you will be sent!

You'll find yourself dissected, your bad black heart exposed!
And I won't be the only one who feels that they've been hosed.

My files will be "recovered," a process you'll endure
My best revenge, all I can do, my data to ensure.

You took your life, you took your life, and then you took my data.
I had some hope but it was crushed and now I'm even sadda.

It won't be freeeeee, it's gonna cost meeee, my data to recover,

But you put me throuuuuuugh all you could dooooooo, and now you're gonna suffer.*

(*Really, I'm not quite that vindictive... but it rhymed okay.) 


  1. OMG! That is so funny. I love it. Damn computers and technology. They make your life easier but make it more complicated and cost you more money.

  2. Love it. And I love a new computer.

  3. Ugh, computer problems are the worst! It somehow takes your life down a notch, doesn't it? Your poem is awesome!! Hope you feel a little better after writing it. Good luck with your new computer! I have a Sony and *covers its ears* it blows. I have everyone on backup because I expect it to die any day. I'm keeping my ears open for good replacements, good to know about the HP. I'll probably get a Mac, though.

  4. This was beautiful. The nicest TSA person I ever dealt with, said "hey! my boyfriend has one of these Lenovo laptops. Did you know you could drop it from four feet in the air and it would be fine?"

    My answer was that I had been tempted to try, and was glad she warned me that my attempt would not be successful. Obviously, Lenovo anticipated people wanting to murder their products, and took precautions to protect the data inside. It must have distracted from the R&D that would have prevented other ways to effing lose the data.

    So I will throw it out the window of our second story office instead. That oughtta clear 4 feet, right?


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